Marriage? Why was marriage so important? I always wanted to be a "mommy"......Being the 'good Christian girl' I was, I had to get married first. Was that all it was about? To have a 'daddy' for all my babies? Was that the ONLY reason I wanted to get married? No. I wanted a companion! I wanted someone to make me feel like I mattered! I wanted someone to 'complete me'! Hahahahaha! 'Complete me'? Yep! That's what I thought!
Does he 'complete me'? Heck no! Does he make me super happy? Well....lots of times he does! Is it the paradise I thought it would be? Not really.
I was allowed to date when I was 16. I spent 6 years walking around looking for 'him'--'Mr. Wonderful'! I knew that God would give him to me when I was 'ready'. What did I think 'ready' was? 'Ready' was when I looked completely to God to fulfill me. When I no longer was obsessed with myself. When my world revolved around serving God and others! Yep 'ready' was what I'll be in heaven!
I've learned a lot on this journey. When I was young, I really didn't realize that I thought God was 'waiting' on me to be perfect! I hadn't even thought about what I used to think until yesterday's sermon. Yesterday, as one of our associate pastor's was preaching I took a little trip down memory lane..... I took a little walk through that young girl's brain (scary, I know!).
The young Rachel was so caught up in herself that she couldn't really see herself....ya know? I had no idea just how depraved I was! I couldn't see that I was looking for 'Mr. Wonderful' for ME, not for what I could give to him. I wanted to be loved, honored, respected, and completed! There's a lot to be said for looking for a man who honors and respects a lady, that's true. That is very important, but in addition to what he could give me, I should have been dreaming of what I would give HIM!
In the past 14 years I've realized that marriage is about more than just what we give to each other and how well we serve each other! God put us together to make us more like Himself. God has used my precious husband as sand paper at times....chistling away at my jagged edges. Because he knows me so well, he sees what I attempt to hide from others. He sees me yell at my sweet children. I tell him things I think about that I wouldn't dare tell anyone else! Why wouldn't I tell anyone else? Because I don't want them to see my yucky, black heart that comes out in my thoughts ("out of the heart, the mouth speaks"). He helps me see myself honestly! And guess what? He loves me anyway! And really likes me most of the time. ;-)
God has made me a new person! He has changed my thoughts! When we started our marriage, I thought it was all about us....ok......ME. But, God is teaching me that it's about two flawed people becoming more like Jesus. Please Lord, let me bless my 'Mr. Wonderful' like he blesses me. He serves me so well! May I never take him for granted.
