When is enough, enough?

So....you may be wondering.....where has Momma Rac gone? She hasn't written in so long! Did she drop off the face of the planet? The short answer is, "Nope. She's still here. She's still enjoying those sweet peeps!"

The long answer..... She hurts. Two words? That's not a long answer. Oh, but it is! Life is now all about trying to keep it together. Trying to figure out how to stop the agony!

We all know I have low vision & as a result of that I've had at least 8 surgeries on my right eye. One of those surgeries was in December 2008. During that surgery, an implant was placed in the right corner of my right eye. The device was placed there with a 3 year supply of steroid to be released periodically to keep down the swelling in the retina-I had a mild case of uveitis. No big deal, right? Wrong!

Several weeks after that the pain began. Mild at first. Mysterious. I thought it would pass just as quickly as it came on. It was complexly in the ocular region. By May of 2009, the doctor noticed that the sutures holding it in place were beginning to come to the surface, so I went in for et another surgery. This time, they shoved the implant in deeper & did a patch graft-they use donor sclera to cover your sclera for added protection-my own sclera had become much too thin. 

Fast forward 4 years. Last April (2013), after seeing several ophthalmologists & neurologists, I began seeing a neurologist at Duke University Medical Center. He really gets it! He really cares!

He's tried the whole list of meds to know avail. He had the retina specialist remivethe implant. My eye STOPPED HURTING! Unfortunately, now the rest of the trigeminal nerves have kicked it up a few notches. I'm typically in excruciating pain.

I've received Botox for erve pain-that helped some. I've started going to the chiropractor for an adjustment & acupuncture once a week. Once a week my mom drives me to Greensboro for a physical therapy appointment along with a biofeedback therapy session.

I ake several ain meds daily & feel like I'm in a fog. I keep asking myself, when is enough, enough? When do I give up & just deal with it? Should I just be miserable? I don't know!

I just know that right now, at 3:30 am Sunday morning, I'm absolutely miserable! I've taken all the meds I can take. I've taken a warm, relaxing bath. I've tried to go to sleep on my sweet hubby's warm, comforting chest. Nothing. So here I sit. Pondering. Praying.